From the proposal on the Rim of Crater Lake to the actual Union in Vermont, follow along as we develop plans for our Union Ceremony scheduled for August 2004, celebrating 10 years together.
Anniversary, of Sorts. Today is our anniversary, of sorts. It was two years ago that we acknowledged our relationship before our family and friends, and now we get cards and greetings from our friends and family, celebrating this milestone.
But we don’t think of it as a milestone. In our minds, this was just the convenient date we could do it. To us, our anniversary is December 9, and for years, we’ve acknowledged our love for each other on that day. And today, we forget. But our friends remember.
It is when they remember that I am reminded of the amazing network of support and love we have around us. While it has always existed, I find it a bit unusual that it never presented itself so blatantly until we actually formalized our relationship. While there have been a lot of hidden surprised that have come from going through a ceremony, this is one that continues on, now two years later, and always manages to surprise me.
The Right Thing. Sunday morning, we got out of bed early by the measure of the time we went to bed. We saw all of our guests off. In hindsight, the weekend wasn’t as crazy as people make planning weddings out to be. We didn’t have a major crisis. Everything happened as planned. Our guests came together and embraced each other in the way we had hoped. The Bride horror stories simply weren’t there to be had. Maybe it’s because we plan large-scale events all the time. Maybe it’s because we so often thought about what would our guests want. Maybe it’s because of the people we invited. Maybe because it was simply just the right thing to do at the right time.
Short-Sheeted Long-Term Vision. With the band finished and packing up, the bar closed, and most of our guests off to bed, we retreated to our Best Men’s suite for one last cocktail. Dan managed to unconsciously utter a few last conscience words before crashing in his bed: “Don’t tell Tim.”
We were only a few paces behind Dan. Climbing into bed, we discovered it had been short-sheeted, and I quickly pondered who on the guest list could be junior high-enough to do something like that. I quickly decided that it could have been any of our guests.
A quick-fix of the sheets, and we climbed in bed together. We read through all of the cards people had given us, and the guest book. We had instructed our First Ladies that if anyone simply signed their name in the guest book, they failed the assignment and would be put on the next plane home to parents. As a result, the outpouring of love captured in our guest book was simply amazing.
Lying there with my man in our short-sheeted bed, soaking up the love from our guests was simply the perfect ending to a perfect day marking ten years of being together, and launching us into the next ten.
Star-Struck. A few hours into the festivities, the manager of Hartness House suggested during a break of the band that we all go into the basement to the Turret Telescope that sits in front of Hartness House. James Hartness built an underground tunnel form the house to the telescope, which had an underground apartment. He would spend hours there, alone, tinkering with his inventions. So, with that, we all set down our cocktails and head to the basement, where there is an entire telescope museum. A bit surreal, but at this point, completely expected.
Kick Our Heels Up. Following dinner, we had to again herd people out of the dining room into the library, where Patty Carpenter and the Dysfunctional Family Jazz Band was waiting. When I came across Patty on the website and saw the name of their band, I hoped they would be good because they simply had to be hired with a name like that.
We had decided we would not have a first dance. Neither of us wanted fifty sets of eyes staring at us while we danced. So we decided each of us would dance with our mothers first, hoping people would join us, then we would quietly dance with each other.
But for some reason at that moment, Tony felt the need that it had to be announced, which then involved waiting until someone could tell the band what to announce, but who knew what they were supposed to announce. All this waiting and confusion led to people standing around looking, waiting for the first dance, which is exactly what we didn’t want to happen. I didn’t understand what there was to announce, because at this point, it seemed all our guests would figure out we’re dancing with our mothers. It’s not like they had never seen our mothers before. For not having a first dance, it certainly seemed to be over-engineered, or at least heading in that direction.
Joe and Eunice asked if there would be a first dance, and I said there wouldn’t be and they should start dancing immediately. And with them out in the middle of the dance floor, I finally grabbed my mother, despite Tony’s insistence to wait for something I didn’t understand what or why we had to wait. And with that, the dancing began.
People seemed to enjoy their conversations more than dancing. I grabbed Joe, who has been ballroom dancing with his wife since their first date before World War II, and we cut up the floor. Patty Carpenter and the Dysfunctional Family Jazz Band was certainly great, and if no one else enjoyed the band or dancing, it didn’t matter, because I certainly enjoyed dancing with Tony, Dan, Sean and all the other men and women in my life.
Dinner Conversation. After the Ceremony, we quickly climbed into a getaway car and headed back to the Hartness House with the Best Men. Very shortly, our guests followed, where a cocktail party and appetizers were waiting. We shared a cocktail in our room, a brief moment with our men before facing the guests.
We were not even off the stairs before being surrounded by our guests. As the sun went down, we enjoyed a cocktail before moving into the dining room for dinner. Throughout the weekend, it was a challenge to interrupt everyone’s conversations to get them to move to the next activity at hand. If not for herding, we would have never eaten dinner.
We started off with another blessing from Ron, which summed up not just the day, but the weekend as well. And then, the toast from the boys. When you love people so profoundly, to have it returned is a gift. The power of their words will live in our hearts forever.
Dinner was terrific, and served at a pace that allowed us to visit each table. We had placed people at tables where they wouldn’t know each other. On their name cards, we put a random fact about the other guests sitting at their table. These facts were different than the facts in the weekend’s program book, and by this point, our guests were maniacally competitive in trying to figure out which fact belonged to which guest. The result was engaging conversation that had every guest believing we had placed them at the perfect table.
In the course of visiting each table, we had the chance to speak with all of our guests. It’s no surprise that guests who’s weddings we have attended said the day reminded them of their wedding day. It’s because we’ve taken the best part of ever wedding we’ve ever attended over the past ten years, and incorporated that into our weekends.
Fleeting Moments from the Ceremony. The Ceremony is one of those moments that simply can’t be summed up. It was powerful, meaningful, and every word simply hangs with me. But these are the highlights that I can recall.
The Rockingham Meeting House – We simply could not have had a better location. Ted and Lydia debated whether the day was right out of a novel or a movie. The weather was perfect, sunny, with clouds dotting the sky; a cooling breeze creating a soft static through the trees. It was a simply and purely elegant location that fit our ceremony and guests perfectly.
Ron’s amazing sermon – Ron spoke so eloquently of this moment we were creating. There, in a place that has seen the nation’s history, we were making history. And it wasn’t just about us coming together in union, celebrating our relationship and proclaiming it real before our guests. And it wasn’t just about our guests witnessing this moment, supporting us and our relationship. But it was about everyone coming together, making history together, and proclaiming their commitment to not only help protect our relationship, but to become an advocate for our relationship. All of our guests were making a commitment to help advance the ability of gay men and lesbian women to take this step and many more in the future in the name of civil rights.
Ron spoke so eloquently and in such an inclusive logical manner, gays and lesbians everywhere should be proud to have him on our side. They should be proud to call him our own.
Mom reading “A Friend Is Someone Who Likes You.” – We really went back and forth on what to read, and this book kept coming back to us. I was concerned that it simply wouldn’t fit. But following Ron’s thoughts, there was nothing else that was appropriate.
Mom reading “Love is Forever.” – It’s just a beautiful book that articulates a powerful sentiment in such a powerful way. This book, both books, being gifts from me, just carried a weight that was simple, elegant, meaningful beyond the words.
Tony’s Vows – He freaked out when I told him I would not put words in his mouth as to why he loved me, and that he would have to write them himself. His words were amazing, and while he read them, I found myself wondering if I would be able to read mine after being choked up with emotion. The irony – the first draft of my vows started in the exact same way as his vows did.
My Vows – I was so concerned I wouldn’t be able to read through them. Practicing them over and over again on the day of the Cermony, I was constantly tripped up by the weeps. They’d attack on key words, as if fireworks choreographed to a musical soundtrack. In the car on the way to the Rockingham Meeting House, I closed my eyes and visualized reading at the Rockingham Meeting House with power and authority. It worked, for the most part, only tripping up on the last lines. And somewhere in the middle, too, but I took just a moment to breath. Something about the words, “I am you friend” that just get me. Folks later pointed out that I appeared to be so relaxed, calm and not nervous at all. Dan, who had another perspective, said I didn’t once stop moving during the entire Ceremony. I remember consciously thinking, “I can’t seem to get my feet comfortable.”
Feminine Tone – Throughout the Ceremony, the Feminine Tone Choir, which brought many more women than originally arranged, leaned over the balcony. It was supposed to be six or eight, but then there were twenty, hanging on to every word, weepy and teary-eyed right along with all our guests. How powerful, when your love is so powerful, strangers who have never met us can see it flow.
Picture This Moment. We were snapping family photos when the Feminine Tone Choir arrived. They showed up in their cobalt blue dresses and their 4x4 pickup trucks. “Who’s that?” my mother asked.
“Who do you think? The feminist choir,” I said.
While we snapped family pictures, Dan and Janet battled over placement of the flowers in the church. A Best Man with a creative flair vs. a Cheerleader with experience. I wondered if we were moments from a Chick Fight. In our absence, it worked out peacefully, and the placement of the bamboo shoots was simply perfect.
With everyone waiting in the church, I practiced reading through my vows with force and authority to an audience of headstones surrounding the Meeting House, which had been in place since the 1700s. I kept choking up on key words, and I wondered if I would even be able to read through the entire story. I closed my eyelids, and placed myself before our friends and family and pictured in my mind reading with conviction.
I saw the feminists arriving in their trucks, Dan and Janet battling over perfection, family posing for pictures and myself getting choked up in front of an audience of headstones. But then I saw that moment with Tony and Dan and Sean in the cemetery. That precious moment where all is quiet, where nothing is said, and I breathed in soaking up the energy flowing between us. The Vermont sky a vibrant blue, the trees and grass, a deep green. The wind blowing a gentle breeze, letting us know we are alive. And there, I stood with the most important men in my life. The man who I had changed enough to know I could commit to him. And the two men who showed me he’s absolutely perfect the way he is.
Dan grabbed me, and together, we walked down the aisle of the Rockingham Meeting house to meet up with Tony and Sean.
Photo Essay. The photos are beginning to come in from Zach. I've gone back and added photos to the appropriate posts, so those reading along might want to scroll down through the page to see images no associated with what I've written.
Unwrinkling Last Minute Problems. At the last minute, we needed ironing expertise. Dan and I only had four hands, one each had to be on a cocktail, and someone had to stamp the wrinkles out of what we were going to be wearing. It’s times like these that focus is needed. Complete focus. And as we focused, we recalled the Jill, my math professor from college days, said that she was prepared to help – sewing buttons, whatever – just so long as she could feel the love.
One of the great benefits of buying out a resort is that you have complete access to the room roster and who is staying in what room. I pulled out my master list and Dan dialed her room. “We’re in the main house. Second floor. Charles Lindberg room,” Dan said to Jill.
Within minutes, she appeared, ready to iron every piece of clothing with wrinkles that needed to be stamped away. Dan sat there, sipping his cocktail, amazed that I had a former college professor ironing my clothes.
I paused for a moment, along with Dan, and pondered the moment unwrinkling before us. I’m sure Jill would have ironed our friend Roger’s clothes if he had asked when he got married.
Earlier, when we discovered the jazz guitarist needed electric to play his guitar, and it occurred to me there is no electric in the Rockingham Meeting House where the ceremony and therefore, by definition, we have a problem, I turned to my Straight Men. Engineers in every sense, they were quickly on solving the problem, about to harness electricity generated from rotting oranges.
“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” said my Straight Boyfriend.
I looked at him quizzical. “Loving what?” my face must have said.
“You know, barking orders and watching people jump.”
I looked at him quizzical. “How is this any different than back at home?” I asked.
Swimming in Love: Private Toast with Parents and Attendants. Mom and Dad were late to the private toast. Seems they took a wrong turn and thought they were on 106, but really were on 11, or some sort of excuse like that. As we all gathered in Dan and Sean’s suite, and I counted the folks in the room, realizing we were only missing two before we could get started, that’s when the call came in. I think it was relayed from the front desk of the inn, anticipating that no matter who the messenger, their head would be lopped off.
So there we were, having re-arranged the day of some dozen people, staring at each other, waiting for Mom and Dad to show up so we could get started. I, of course, tried to get started without them. But the entire room was against that, so I just sat there and bit my lip.
The last thing I needed was sitting around. Time to think. Time to get all emotional. I told Tony just moments before we entered the room that he was going to have to do all the mooshey talking. In the middle of running through my vows, I was in no state to confess love or thanks or appreciation with out the floodgates holding back the reservoir of ‘I’m nothing without out’ opening up and releasing a tidal wave of emotion.
Knowing that Bride-zilla was sitting and stewing, my parents burst into the suite, preceded only by their ‘got lost’ excuse that escorted them through the door. With that, I went through the schedule of how things would happen, and then Tony got on with the mooshey stuff, toasting our parents and everyone for being there to support us.
With that, we presented the Moms and Dads with framed photo of us; Ron, our officiate, with a Vermont pewter book mark; Zach, our photographer with a photography gift certificate; our Straight Men and First Ladies with restaurant gift cards so they could enjoy a date night; and our Best Men – we gave them key chains. As the keepers of the key to our heart, we felt it was only appropriate that they have key chains engraved with the special code 243.
And completely unexpected – probably because I failed to read the wedding protocol book – the Best Men presented us with a gift: tie clips engraved with “Communitas”.
It’s rare that one is ever so deep in the love, he might just possibly drown in it. I was gasping for breath.
Post-Rehearsal Cocktails Close Down the House. Waiting for our guests in their room was a hand-written note from us, 6 greeting cards with images from Vermont, a music CD with a collection of some of our favorites, and a guide book we had gathered together. The book not only had the schedule and background information on the locations and people involved, but it also had a list of our guests and a random fact not connected to other people. In the original information we sent out, we had included sidebar facts about us and our relationship, which was the most popular part of the booklet. Running low on general facts about us and knowing that we probably couldn’t fill 30 pages with facts on us without underwear sizes, we decided to list facts about our guests. We knew it would start conversation, but we had no idea how competitive our guests would get, trying to figure out all the facts. Not only were our guests trying to figure out the facts, but a few other random guests at the Hartness House who had found a random book and also read it cover-to-cover were trying to figure out the facts as well, eavesdropping at breakfast and in the lounge.
When the bar closed, we retreated to the Best Men’s suite for quiet conversation and even more cocktails.
Rehearsal A Hit. Dad State’s Toast – He welcomed all our guests with open arms. Unplanned, he said exactly what needed to be said, and hinted at the power of the collection of people who had traveled to so far to be with us on this wonderful occasion.
Dad Dornacher’s Toast – It was simply a cup of joy that filled up and overflowed. How wonderful to have two Dads who embrace not only our relationship, but who we are as individuals. If only all the world could know that feeling.
Ron’s Blessing – He set the stage for a powerful weekend with his eloquent comments (which I coached him on). We were so touched and moved by the people who came. At first, they may think we are strangers. But our guests really do know each other and have a common bond, because they have a bond with us. They have each given something to us and our relationship. This weekend was the perfect chance for everyone to put a face and a name together. And Ron set that up in a context that reminded everyone how lucky we were to have this time, this space, this food in which to celebrate over.
Dan Mastering the Ceremonies of the Evening – He’s a pro, and has a talent for orchestrating a room like a conductor at a symphony. While his smile is enough to command a room’s attention, he layers on style, intelligences and wit that is compelling, dramatic and funny.
The Amazing Food and the Amazing Service – At first it was a bit hard to simply set the parameters by describing the atmosphere we were trying to set, and then setting our florist, the caterers and the restaurant free. But once we overcame that hurdle, the creative, talented experts came in and took over and delivered a wow that titillated our guests at every moment. Naomi and Mac at the Morning Star Café set a high standard for the weekend, and we were lucky to be able to keep raising the bar throughout.
Working the Room – It was nice to be able to have a crowd small enough, and a pace slow enough that we were able to get around to each table at least once, and in most cases twice. Both as a couple, and as individuals.
Picture-Perfect Opening. I am constantly amazed at the diversity of photos and how they grab and move people differently. Having one room dedicated to my work, and covering a wall was a huge accomplishment. A hurdle overcome. And being able to share it with the very people who came this weekend was simply grand. Nothing is more fun than a lazy Friday evening, good wine and conversation and being able to kick-off the weekend with our friends and family with a creative flare set the tone we had hoped to have for the entire weekend.
We drank Oregon wines – our favorites from Blue Moon Winery in Cave Junction, Oregon, and had fine Vermont cheeses, and it all complimented the art wonderfully.
Reflections Of... Looking back, it all went to so fast. The special moments, crammed together, like a power-bar breakfast of love and admiration. How does one package it? How does one contain it? They cannot be linked together into a cohesive story, but when spewed out together, maybe a common theme will begin to emerge.
These moments are stored in my heart forever, belonging to me. I think on days of challenge and gloom, for many years to come, I will be able to look back and remember the moments on this list. I will be reminded of the love that surrounds me, not just from Tony, but from my family, my friends who are family, and my community who are my friends. And in that moment, I will be able to tap into that tremendously endless well that exists. It will lift me up, and thrust me forward.
Toast of the Best Men. Sean There is very little left for us to say since everyone else has spoken at some point this weekend and Tim has always written everything down… but we’ve come up with a couple of things.
Dan Our best friends, our best men, have surprised, challenged, and at times shocked us since the night we met them. Now seems like as good a time as any to share a few of these special traits that have endeared Tim and Tony to us and surely to you.
Sean First, Tony. We all know what a wonderful host Tony is, and the painstaking care he takes to ensure his guests have the best hors d’oeuvres. Even when his plans to showcase a fabulous table centerpiece that included beautiful flowers and live fish went south when the fish died, Tony was able to quickly correct the situation by fluffing the table cloth around the vase to hide the corpses. Truly, Tony has talents that could enable him to stand-in for Martha during her incarceration.
Dan We also know of Tony’s commitment to everything healthy. His commitment to shield his guests and Tim from harmful radiation by living without a microwave is commendable, though some of us wonder if he has his facts straight, as he lives with a cell phone surgically attached to the side of his head.
Sean Then there is Tim. Oh, that Tim. He is so dependable. You can rest assured if you tell him you deepest, darkest secrets, no less than 2 websites, 3 weblogs, and a twenty-paragraph e-mail that takes an hour to read will be sent with the quickest of speed to a few 100-thousand of his closest friends.
Dan Tim is also very adept at utilizing the skills of his network of friends. For example, he has no shame in contacting his closest friends when in dire straits trying to feed himself. Fortunately, I am always here to guide him through the tough task of “simmering” a can of Campbell’s soup, and when necessary, Sean can whip a meal for him in a jiffy that actually includes meat. You know, meat, the part missing from Tony’s diet and therefore not always available for Tim…
Sean You can always count on Tim to be the life of the Party. Tim can stop a room with his dancing ability. Note that I said ability and not skill; though he may have a hard time finding the beat, and his style may be a little too Annett Funicello, he definitely inspires those around to laugh and smile. And you can always count on Tim to break a few rules, like standing on the bar before the first three notes of Dancing Queen have been heard. John Belushi, eat your heart out.
Dan But on a more serious note, we must borrow a page from this weekend’s program, we quote the description that they wrote about us having realized these things that they accuse us of applying equally to them. “These two exceptional individuals showed us romance when we thought romance was dead. They showed us forgiveness when we thought forgiveness was impossible. Showed us love when there was none.”
Sean Romance. Apparently it lives on if Tony’s dance frame is any indication throughout our few weeks of ballroom dancing lessons. Dan and I would look over at them while they were practicing and we always noticed that no matter how many times he was admonished, his arms always drooped as he pulled Tim closer and closer into his dance space, seemingly trying to make every dance resemble some kind of cuddle on feet.
Dan Forgiveness. The best way for anyone to teach another about forgiveness is to give them something to forgive. Obviously knowing this truth, Tim and Tony have provided us many lessons in forgiveness, perhaps most notably by interrupting our movie night at midnight to run over to Barnes Place because Tony is out of town, the alarm is going off, Tim cannot be found having left his cell phone behind while he’s gone slumming with another friend, and two unknown dogs are running amok in the house. Or something more serious we’ll have to forgive them for – moving out of Atlanta, Chicago better know what it’s getting again.
Sean Love. This is the only point in the weekend’s program that we would quibble with Tim and Tony over “love when there was none”. Everything that has happened this weekend only proves that there has always been love – between them, by them and for them. There love for each other is the only example that we havee seen that rivals our own and has inspired us to deeper affections as surely you have also been moved by their demonstrations of devotion.
Dan As our last duties for the weekend, we invite you to join us in raising our glasses in celebration of this Union and to offer our love and honor to our best men.
We Will Eat Ice Cream.I wrote a story for my vows.
Somewhere in the process of planning for today, I forgot what this all means. I think it happened when people began asking me what our colors are. What our song is going to be. Who’s going to cut the cake first. Are we going to dress the same? And who’s going to wear the garter belt?
I thought to myself, “My god, somewhere along the line I’ve failed miserably.” We don’t have a color. We don’t have a song. I don’t want to cut the cake; I’d rather have a professional who knows what they’re doing do that. We never look good in the same outfit, and given the choice, I’d much rather take off a jock strap than a garter belt.
At first, panic set in as I began to think we have absolutely nothing in common. We don’t even have something as simple as a color with some deep, sentimental value. Working through the anxiety, which for a brief moment had me believing I was a straight man, I pondered the meaning of everything we’re doing today.
To be before our friends and family who have sacrificed so much to share this moment with us as we publicly proclaim our love for and commitment to each other is huge. I put a lot of thought into understanding why it so important that we take this step to celebrate and protect our relationship, which simply cannot be taken for granted.
I couldn’t help but wonder if couples who have always had the ability to marry put as much thought and soul searching into the meaning of what they’re doing as I’ve put into today. I wonder if they consider not just the colors, but the heavy part of marriage that provides couples with a legal responsibility to each other.
Today, in the State of Vermont, I am granting you legal responsibility to me. And you are doing the same in return. It’s a daunting thought, to think I am not responsible for just myself, but we are now responsible to and for each other.
When I think of today in this context, it makes colors and cake and songs seem silly and trite. Our relationship cannot be summed up by such symbols. Those traditions can do no justice to the relationship we have. I realized our relationship is much bigger. Our colors are pretty and prettier. Our song is the one that gets our foot tapping and lifts our spirits. And the cake, well, let them eat cake if they really want it, but we’re having ice cream.
In sorting through my qualms over customs and rituals, I began to understand a deeper level of commonality that exists between us. What we share is a unique outlook on the world that compliments and embraces. We surround ourselves with people who recognize our potential and encourage us towards realizing it, even on days when we cannot see it ourselves. We throw ourselves into uncomfortable situations so that we can learn more about who we are. And we are constantly pushing to be more and do more in a world that we make happen for us, rather than allow it to happen to us. We provide each other the space to allow each of us to be fully who we are as individuals. What we share in common is not on the surface, but is deep down at our very core.
In the process of discovering what we share, I found myself and I found you. I don’t know what today means to others who go through this, but in preparing for this day, I’ve come to learn what it means to me.
Today’s proclamation is more powerful than a legal document. It is a public declaration of my word. It means you have my heart in my ongoing commitment to you and the life we continue to build together. It is a life building upon each other’s strengths and those of our families, our friends and our community around us. It means every day I will strive to understand you and to know you more completely.
It means to me the trust between us continues to grow into the future, as in the past. It is a trust founded in love, integrity, openness and inclusion. And with that comes my pledge to work through life’s challenges together, with respect, creativity and integrity.
It means I am whole and complete with you. I am whole and complete without you. I accept you as you are. And I accept myself as I am. I join you in union, not to become one, but to become two complete people lifting each other up, expanding our spiritual beings and horizons.
I cherish you. I’m captivated by you. I’m challenged by you. I honor you. I respect you. I am your friend. I am your partner. I love you.
That is what today means to me. Now let’s eat ice cream.
Tony's Vows.We wrote our own vows, and kept them a secret until the Union. Here is what Tony overwhelmed me with.
Our adventure began twelve years ago at the Chicago Halsted Street Market Days when your current boyfriend introduced us. Our friendship blossomed over the next couple of years with each infamous Tim State hair flip. On that chilly December evening in 1984, the stars were aligned; we were both single, and ready for a new adventure.
Every day has been like a scenic drive on a windy mountain road. Every time we round another curve, it’s filled with oohs, ahhs and a few eeks. Yet we always go wow at the end and get back in the car and search out another windy road.
More than 3,502 days, some 84,048 hours or a mere 5,042,880 seconds later, I stand before you, our family and friends to celebrate and honor my love for you. You continue to make my laugh so much louder, my smile brighter and dreams more vivid. I look forward to creating more miracles in the coming chapters of our adventure together.
Timothy State & Tony Dornacher Communitas Saturday, August 7, 2004 6:00 p.m. Rockingham Meetinghouse, Rockingham, Vermont
Tim State & Tony Dornacher Ron Miller, officiate
Daniel Preister, Best Man Sean Sprague, Best Man
Shaun Green, Straight Man Nelson Burke, Straight Man
Janet Kinard-Green, First Lady Jennifer Burke, First Lady
Mike Dornacher & Jo Kraft Tony’s Parents
Tom & Kathy State Tim’s Parents
Draa Hobbs, Solo Guitarist The Feminine Tone Chior
Musical Prelude "Ma No Efe Dusime" (I'll be your right hand) This is a Folk song from Ghana, and it reflects on the virtues of love and care. Its proverbial meaning is that "perfect love should be made available in time of good and bad" literal translation: I will be at your right hand side. I will place my left arm on your neck.
Introduction
Reading Kathy State, mother of Tim A Friend is Someone Who Likes You by Joan Walsh Anglund
Jo Krafft, mother of Tony Love is Forever by Joan Walsh Anglund
Meditation
Declaration of Intent
Exchange of the Vows
Musical Celebration "En Mil Años" (In One Thousand Years) This song was written by Rafael Flores. The musical style is a Cuban Rumba. Translation: In one thousand years we will hear praises to this love, an endless song.
Exchange of Rings
Blessing of the Couple
Dismissal
Musical Celebration "How do I Love Thee" This Jazzy setting of Elizabeth Barret Browning's poem was written by American composer Nathan Christensen, at the age of 20. This piece won him the Diva Complex Composition Contest in 1996.
Lump of Love. The band has gone. The bar has shut down. And most of the guests are in bed. I’m lying here trying to go to sleep, exhausted, but wired. My throat is feeling sore, but as I read through the guest book and the comments left, I think that lump in my throat I feel may very well be love.
The Buzz of Town. The entire town is talking about the folks who were having the Gallery opening. The florist. The choir. Walking down the street in Springfield, folks were saying hello, and congratulations. Frank Poole, the Justice of the Peace we almost killed yesterday, was there working the crowd anticipating election day, and stopped to say hello and congratulations.
Ron, who is officiating our Ceremony a little later today, no longer has his paperwork that indicates he is ordained, which he had to produce in order to be able to legally officiate the Ceremony. So we decided to simply have a small, private legal moment, which we did yesterday morning.
Dan, Sean, Zach our photographer and Justice Poole traipsed into the woods yesterday with us for a private exchange of vows. It was a little more of a hike than a stroll, and about halfway up a steep hill, he stops, huffing and puffing, his face purple. I wondered if the paramedics would go this far into the woods if they had too.
We finally made it to a bridge over a brook. And there, before Dan and Sean, the early morning dew still clinging to the grass, unbeknownst to our guests, we did the dead, and legally tied the knot in Vermont.
Bride-zilla and Just The Facts. About an hour before things were supposed to kick-off, we learned that most of Tony’s family was about an hour-and-half away. And that’s when I turned into Bride-zilla. Maybe it was a last minute panic that set in. But it was going to start, and it was starting without Tony’s parents. But just as we were about to head out to Gallery at the VAULT, they pulled in. Exhausted, tired and frustrated.
There are days when it’s easy to put yourself in other people’s shoes. And there are days when it’s virtually impossible. And yesterday was one of those days.
All the family finally here, things started moving again.
Downtown Springfield was all-abuzz. The Moonlite Madness Car Cavalcade had antique cars lining the street in downtown for blocks. There were bands, raffles, and contests. In the Gallery, where we had great Oregon wines, Vermont cheese, pleasant conversation. We moved to the Morning Star Café, and that’s when the love began.
Dan orchestrated the evening like a pro, with class, flair and wit. He was at his finest, which always puts me in complete awe. Tony and I were able to soak it up for just a moment. The power was overwhelming, being bombarded with love from every direction, from the people we most love.
The evening simply would not stop. Waiting in everyone’s rooms was a guidebook, with information for the weekend and the schedule, a music CD, a bottle of Blue Moon Riesling, and six greeting cards. In the guidebook, we included a list of guests, and random facts about people. Folks have studied the guides, and are trying to match facts and names. The facts are fueling conversation for hours. We had no idea how compulsive it would become.
We finally moved on to the Hartness House, where the owner Alex kept the libations flowing, and folks laughed and giggled into the wee hours of the morning. Trying to discover the facts, but in the process, discovering more about each other.
Freaking Out. I don't know what it is, but I'm totally freaking out about this having to walk down the aisle thing. I think if I can do that, then maybe I can get through this. I'm really more of a behind-the-scenes guy. Not a front and center.
Lossing Weight In Silk. Dan spent the afternoon hiding all the silk in his room. There’s a glutton of silk in some of these rooms, and as you know, the Gays don’t take to kindly to silk. And sometimes less is more. At first, he moved it to one corner of his room. And then we all decided it was too much a fire hazard, all that silk. So he moved it to the closet.
Calm Before The Storm. Spent a lazy afternoon relaxing with the Best Men. A hike in the woods, and the lounging in the James Hartness Suite, watching, of course, Bring It On. We headed out to dinner at the Morningstar Café, where we were greated by Eddie Spaghetti. Neither were able to head out to meet us at the Rainbow Cattle Company. Eddie met us 16-months ago at the Rainbow Cattle Company, and he recognized us right away. It always strikes us as odd how people remember the four of us wherever we go. But then people say we’re quite memorable.
Our server said Eddie’s her “gay Puerto Rican Husband.” He said she’s his “bitch straight wife”.
It was nice to have a quiet moment over dinner with the boys. As Sean said, the calm before the storm, which hit like a Carolina Hurricane. Dan so astutely observed, “You were supposed to be showering. Wanna be fucking. But ended up on the phone.”
Quiet moments behind, us, we greeted all our guests who arrived on Thursday, and then headed out to the Rainbow Cattle Company, which appears to have changed its name to the Rainbow Lounge. It was very lounge-like with Karaoke, and soothing vocal seductions of Sprague.
Multiple Occasions. The Best Men have arrived, and the first order of business was to get all the paper work done. So we had a quick lunch at the Morningstar Café, walked through the Gallery at the VAULT, and then walked down the street to get our Civil Union License. Bonnie wasn’t in, but another woman was able to help us out.
I found myself suddenly nervous as we walked in to the Town Clerk’s office. It’s funny how at these profound moments
